Things that shouldn't be things but are things.


#1

So I thought I’d start a space to rant about things that really grind our gears. I’ll start…

What is with this current obsession for pundits to bitch about players not yelling fore? It’s utterly redundant in a pro tour event.

Today I was at the BMW PGA at Wentworth near London and on the 18th chose to sit at the apex of the dogleg so I could watch the tee shots and then approaches. It’s a dangerous place to sit as they hit the tee shots right at you and if they don’t cut the ball round the corner you’ll be in the flight path. Today I got hit square on the leg. On my shin to be exact.

It bloody hurt. But I don’t mind because I knew the risk of sitting there. There’s always risk spectating at a golf event. The player said sorry. Good enough for me. And I don’t need a damn glove, despite what idiots around me were demanding obnoxiously of the player.

But here’s the thing - the guy was 300 yards from me on a golf course covered by thousands of people, many of whom were talking as he hit it. I have no idea if he yelled fore. But it didn’t matter. I was surrounded by marshalls and about 300 people, all of whom were tracking the ball in, as was I. Everyone was yelling as it came right at us. Very loudly. People were diving out of the way. I certainly knew it was coming. The only reason it hit my leg and not my balls was because in the commotion I covered my head in the fetal position and lifted my legs up to protect myself.

It didn’t matter a damn if he yelled fore. I had a much more immediate and efficient warning system all around me. In a spectating crowd you always know it’s coming at you. It’s impossible not to. So complaining that pros not doing it is some sort of dangerous selfishness is ridiculous.

It’s just a horseshit whinge just to have something to whinge about.

And while we’re on the subject, what the hell is with this modern ‘FORE LEFT / FORE RIGHT’ bullshit? Like left or right means anything to people. They are relative terms only relevant to you. Whether or not I duck & cover depends on how close the yell sounds. I’ve never once stopped to think where the yell came from, figured out what direction they were facing, worked out the left/right relative to them and came to the logical conclusion it’s heading my way. It’s bollocks.


#2

I actually saw your “injury” reported on Twitter. All I can say is thoughts an prayers to you in this tough, challenging time for you and your family. (American English translation for thoughts and prayers = I don’t really give a sh!t, but I’m online and I just want to follow the herd and pretend like I have a heart.)

Back to your excellent post…
Given that the criticism of players for not yelling fore is still in it’s nascent stages, I don’ think that qualifies as a “thing” quite yet.
I could not agree more with you on the fore left/fore right nonsense. It does absolutely nothing. On the other hand, FORE GUY IN THE PLAID SHORTS AND PINK V_NECK CASHMERE. IS THAT CASHMERE? NICE. FORE! makes far, far more sense. That is a courtesy I can get on board with.
Here’s another thing that shouldn’t be things but are things (TTSBTBAT)
Here in America, when you’re playing in a real tournament it is customary to say “play well” to your opponents. We don’t say “good luck” but we should. I asked a friend about this odd custom and he told me that wishing someone good luck suggests that they need luck. Talk about total bullocks. We all need luck and we all know it.


#3

A lot of people take their hats off when we finish out on 18 and shake hands. I’m all for shaking hands, but I feel pressure to also take my hat off because everyone else is. However, it’s awkward when I have a putter and wedge, towel, and the flagstick to deal with already. Let me just drop everything on the ground so I can take my hat off so you can see my awful hat hair up close. Shaking hands with the hat on should be good enough.


#4

Use your hand for a quick comb before shaking - nothing like a sweaty extended hand to finish a great round (at least your hair will look good).


#5

This is exactly the kind of bullshit I’m talking about! Why is taking your hat off on 18 a thing? It shouldn’t be a thing.


#6

carrying a clicker to count your strokes throughout the round.


#7

Just no. I see this on tv and it’s appalling. I want to scream: “No one wants to shake your sweaty, greasy hand!”


#8

It’s an American thing that’s sadly travelled, isn’t it? Like sometimes here in Australia you see some cunt put his hand on his heart when the national anthem comes on and you just shake your head because it’s the most reactionary, gormless meaningless-in-Australia thing ever.


#9

Come to think of it, why do we still take our hats off in the clubhouse? That’s a throwback to the 50’s when everyone wore hats but you took them off when you went inside. We’ve left a lot of the classic golf club clothing traditions behind (you can wear what you like at my club) but we’ve kept the hat thing. Why’s that still a thing?


#10

This could be a thing. But a good thing. Describing the guy you’re yelling FORE at. “OI…FAT BLOKE WITH THE BLUE PANTS THATS BEEN HOLDING ME UP ALL DAY WITH YOUR DUMB ASS SWING ROUTINE. FUCKING FOORRREEEE!”

Definitely onboard for that.


#11

Especially effective when you yell it before you hit.


#12

I take my hat off inside, and I also teach my son to do the same thing. It was the way I was raised, especially if I am sitting at the dinner table. My father would knock it off my head if I tried to sit down at the table with a hat. Our club doesn’t have a no hats policy but many people still pull it off when they enter the clubhouse.


#13

I too take my hat off inside. It’s so ingrained that if I’m wearing my golf hat somewhere outside the course, I still do it there! But why? Why did we do that in the first place (I suspect its got some religious background) and why, when we have abandoned so many of the other traditions around clothing, do we still keep the hat thing?


#14

I played with 3 other guys this weekend and purposely did not take my hat off after 18 while the others did. Just not going to do it anymore. Inside the clubhouse though, yes I agree taking your hat off is respectful and should be done. Feels weird to wear a hat while sitting down eating.


#15

Yeaaahhhh! Viva la revolucion! :slight_smile:


#16

Referring to woods as “metal woods” should not be a thing.


#17

DQ’s for signing incorrect scorecards.
Full lunches at the turn
Volvik making golf products
Putts breaking towards [enter indigenous geographic feature not visible from the green here]


#18

I get that signing for an incorrect scorecard on purpose is a DQ but when it’s obvious it was unintentional is a bananas ruling. Like the times recently where TV viewers have snitched on a player, resulting in a penalty and by extension a DQ. Thankfully the armchair judge thing will no longer by a thing from Jan.

And the lunch thing at the turn I have agree with, though with geographical exceptions. I once played at the Royal Hong Kong GC and had a lady caddie (most of the caddies in Asia are women) who encouraged me to stop at the turn to eat in the noodle house / temple there. Stoic to the last, I ploughed on, only to find out afterwards that it’s accepted behaviour that you would buy your caddie lunch. This is how they ate. My ignorance meant she didn’t get fed that day. Still feel guilty about that. :flushed:


#19

Wow. You’re a real piece of work making that lady miss her lunch. LOL. That sucks and something that I totally would have done. “Hell no. We’re not stopping. I have an energy bar in my bag.” - me 99% of the time

As to the topic, why do companies make non-conforming balls? Who buys them?


#20

Showing my ignorance here, but I didn’t even know that was a thing. But, it shouldn’t be a thing. I only found out by listening to an NLU podcast with the Ozzie pro player turned architect (forget his name) that you had different ball sizes until relatively recently.