Dearest Mother,
I have arrived in my native Minnesota. The land remains fecund and the mosquitoes are as plentiful as before.
I have found rations this morning under a massive flag carrying the stars and stripes of our great land. The proprietors call themselves “Perkins” and they do not use organic eggs or carry any sparkling water. The coffee flows as freely as the rapids over Minnehaha Falls and they offered me syrups of maple, twinberry and apricot alongside pancakes I do not remember ordering.
I have found a grass driving range at a place called Brookview where I will hone my skills in preparation for the imminent battle versus the forces of @GRWhitehead. My lovely daughter Stella remains by my side offering encouragement with each stroke “Full Send, dad. FULL SEND” she barks lovingly. While she is with me as I ready for battle, I will not bring her to the grudge match, as the language might be too rich for her worldly, God-loving ears.
I have eyed a nearby fortress called the White Castle where I will inquire about 6 sliders, crinkle fries and a chocolate shake as noon approaches.
There are rumors of a battle on the 28th of August against Mr @GRWhitehead in a place called White Bear Lake. Coincidentally, this is the same day two men named Hall and Oates are threatening to play “all the hits” at the State Fair. Perhaps I will attend this concert as well and find a suitable bride for Stella to torment for the next ten years.
I will report back as the battle approaches. Pray for us tonight as we will go in search of Tigers at a place called Target Field.
Your loving son,
Lazstradamus