Non-golf pet peeves -- a compleat list

In no particular order, and a special place in hell for:

Those who can’t park a car between parking lines. It’s really not that hard.

Those who leave their grocery cart sitting in the parking lot. Just put it in a collection area. If you have kids, the store will help you out.

Those who drive at the speed limit in the left hand lane. Pious fucks.

Those who, at a store and with a line of customers behind them, wait until the cashier finalizes the total before reaching into purse/satchel/pocket and pulling out check book.

Those who feel compelled to share their cell phone conversations; particularly in an elevator.

Those who begin a sentence with "With all due respect. . . "

Those who can’t get through airport security efficiently. Thank god I finally have Global Entry.

Those dog owners who can’t be bothered to pick up after their pets.

Those who can’t just split the tab and those who don’t come armed with cash. If your friends fail to acknowledge you ordered only a salad when they had steak, lobster, and Chateau Margaux, they are not your friends. Make it easy for the waiter – you know you are going to dinner, so bring cash and plan on splitting the tab evenly.

Those who respond only to the first question of a multiple question email.

Airplane pack mules – I understand that luggage gets lost and it takes time to wait at baggage check, but really?

Those whose emails are always accompanied by email read receipts.


Spelling errors in thread titles.


Thought for sure the whole list was going to be:

  • pleated pants

When I clicked on the tread.


“To be honest with you”


It’s only an error when it is unintentional.


This is good. Also those that say “for the record…”

What fucking record should we put this in asshole?

Also “literally” is literally the most overused word which literally drives me insane.


Anyone who doesn’t use their turn signal… oh sorry being a courteous driver inconveniences you that much.


Anyone who starts a sentence with “As a…” as if that means I should consider your opinion more. Obviously not in all contexts – “As a doctor” holds a lot more weight than “as someone who enjoys Cheez-Its” or whatever. But online, it’s way overused and there are so many different ways to phrase it instead of resorting to “As a…”


As a Nester, I agree.


This might be my biggest one. Quit being selfish lazy entitled little fucks. Walk the damn cart the 20’ to the collection area you stupid selfish piece of shit.


It’s a leading white trash indicator.


People who squeeze in to the nice 3 car length space you leave in front of you, just because there’s room.


  • People who swerve past you when there’s clearly miles of traffic in front of you preventing from going fast.

  • People who dive in and out of lanes in stop and go traffic to get that one car advantage

  • People who stop in a crowd is sometimes excusable (I do it). If you stop and continue to stay stopped with no instinct that you should move, that’s when it becomes a problem.

  • People who don’t at least pretend to make more of an effort to cross the street with pace after you’ve stopped for them

  • Any line people use that involves the phrase “…just not before my coffee…”

  • Online conversations where an easy way out is right in front of both parties, except neither is willing to not be petty and they end their barbs with “good talk, though!” or “cheers!”

  • Phrases like “who needs a boyfriend when you have pizza/wine!” or “it’s Wine O’Clock lolololol”


People who don’t use the search bar on the refuge


These. All of these.

The Colorado nightmare.

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I see this in sports a lot and it triggers me. “As a _____ fan, I hate to see your team go through this.” Ok, cool.

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Anyone who has ever said “Say it louder for the people in the back!”

Anybody and everybody on a busy day at Costco. Like fucking lord of the flies.


Exactly! It’s also very much a “hey look at me, my team also went through this, remember that? Can we talk about what I went through?” way to phrase things

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People who are intolerant of other cultures.
And the Dutch.