Great piece @KVV - powerful as always. Especially loved the part about how the meaning may evolve and might even be him singing about his daughter someday.
He’s playing about an hour away on our wedding anniversary this year. Haven’t broached the topic yet, but don’t think my wife is a quite big enough fan to spend our anniversary that way. He puts on a great show though - saw him once during Covid at a minor league ballpark with “social distancing” pods on the field.
Respectfully, nothing about this phenomenon is limited to Jason and Amanda. If anything, it’s a far tamer version than what our most popular pop star — Taylor Swift — has cultivated and certainly encouraged. But certainly the phenomenon predates her by about 1000 artists, as both Yoko Ono and Linda McCartney would concede.
This is a good quip, but I don’t think even slightly accurate. I would argue that for a certain kind of thoughtful, curious, somewhat-too-online individual, Jason and Amanda’s thing was seen as more aspirational than voyeuristic. I’ve always liked the idea of being in a relationship where you’re a supportive partner, where you feel challenged intellectually, where you have the same values and interests. Did that make me relate to Jason and Amanda on a level that I thought was reflected in their art? Of course.
I think the weight is probably one he has enjoyed and also wrestled with. I suspect he liked it a great deal when Southeastern came out and he was a symbol for the idea that love could be a redemptive thing, but as time went on, it probably got complicated and burdensome at times. I don’t think they sold their story cynically, I think they tried to be open and honest both about their highs and their lows, and at times living such a public life came with costs that were hard to foresee back in 2013.
I believe there is far more crossover among these two groups than you are suggesting, but I reject the idea that the latter is somehow uncool and annoying for their parasocial proclivities. I’ve thought a lot about Taylor Swift’s appeal this year, and I think where I’ve landed is that she’s telling the story of the journey between being a girl and being a woman. Jason is telling, in many respects, a similar story about boys and men. He is not telling it in a linear fashion, but he’s exploring similar themes of identity, loss, maturity, commitment, fatherhood, the pressures of middle age, and now the strain of reality. I don’t quite grasp why it would be uncool to identify with those themes.
Of all what you wrote, I reject this the most forcefully.
Is this true of “Letting You Go?” Yes, most certainly.
But what kind of psychotic barn dance would play Miles or Death Wish or Middle of the Morning or White Berretta, or Save The World. Or, if we’re backing up an album, Be Afraid, or Only Children, or Overseas, or River. Or to go back further, White Man’s World or Cumberland Gap, or Anxiety. Some of these songs are not among my favorites, but they are hardly a man trying to write gushy love songs to appeal to divorced moms or sappy dads (like me).
Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful response, even if I reject most of it summarily.
In some writing I shared with my friends awhile back I called this the greatest performance of the greatest love song ever written. It gave me such hope about the redemptive power of love and how it could literally save one’s life. Seeing Jason and Amanda singing it together was, for me at least… well I’m not sure I could put it into words. Obviously having absolutely no idea on what is was that led to their divorce, I am only left with sadness. Great job @KVV for articulating what many of his fans are feeling.
So good. Just the nicest “Thank you, Grace. I think you’re wrong.” I’ve heard since 1986.
Thank you again for writing this piece, KVV. If my post inspired it or if I just stumbled into an already rolling intention, really happy it happened. Great writing. Plays on words always appreciated 
I think you’re spot on about the weight of a public life and its impact on a relationship – especially after so much of its turmoil survived the cutting room floor for the world to see and scrutinize and then do it all over again in the media reaction to it. It had to be exhausting.
As much of a fan as I am, I don’t begin to think I know what Isbell is thinking. As forthcoming as he tends to be in media, his songs are the biggest the thing we’re given to interpret – as it should be. Even then, we’re somewhere on that Prine cusp of autobiographical vs. fictional. His newer material feels like it finds itself toward the former. Maybe as he finds even more confident footing as a person he’s just putting it all out there. Maybe honestly is the new rush.
After years of hearing him describe the arc of his personal life, career and navigating new priorities, maybe Isbell finally feels like he knows what he’s about these days. Like you said, maybe it got too complicated. It reminds me of probably my favorite thing he’s ever written, the bridge from “Difference Days”:
And the story’s only mine to live and die with
And the answer’s only mine to come across
Maybe he’s ready for new questions.
Thanks, KVV. I don’t know how to do the individual quote thing, but I can’t help but agree with you on disagreeing summarily. Particularly after your Instagram post this morning implying that you were actually writing ABOUT parasocial relationships, not clearly experiencing once yourself. I mean, your line about just wanting to make sure your old buddy who you’ve never met is still “upright and steady” makes that all very clear.
A couple things, though:
1.) Comparing Jason goddamn Isbell to Taylor Swift is… shocking. And if you’re implying that JI is somehow a role model, well, I have some very unfortunate news to share with you about his personal life for the entirety of his career. (See: Shonna Tucker, Justin Townes Earle, Jimbo Hart, Ryan Adams, and a zillion other friendships/relationships).
2.) We aren’t discussing psychotic barn dances, but rather barn weddings, which are two completely different vibes. You picked some songs that wouldn’t fit at a wedding, sure - but 95% of his acoustic numbers would fit right in at your local nuptials taking place in a dilapidated barn. 
I’d kill to know how many couples at any Jason Isbell show chose Cover Me Up for their corny wedding and are now just huuuuuuuuge fans.
I personally feel like there was something very specific that cropped up around Jason and his wife. And even his KID, who you did indeed mention in your article.
If you disagree, fine - but I feel like you’re clearly experiencing exactly what I’m talking about. I do genuinely appreciate the engagement though - cheers.
I love the thought of two people at a “barn wedding” dancing to Elephant, Yvette or Live Oak.
Also, I missed the part where KVV said that JI a role model. I do think the line was that he’s writing songs about boys becoming men. I don’t think anyone, even JI, would say he’s got a spotless background. There’s also a lot to be said that Jason’s route to stardom is a little different than TS and had to have some dirty laundry to get to where he was. Not every TS is a positive uplifting one.
I too, find people dancing to sad acoustic shit at their weddings odd and unsettling, but it seems to happen at nearly every one I attend. Maybe I’ve lived in Nashville too long.
That’s wild, up here (Northwest Ohio) it’s usually a pop country song followed by Pour Some Sugar On Me, Single Ladies, Cha Cha Slide then Watermelon Crawl.
he’s at the Ryman, not the Opry 
I’ll be at the Ft Wayne show too as I suspect you will be
I’m going to try and be measured in my response, but I fear it won’t come off that way, so apologies in advance.
Everyone is entitled to their own degree of fandom, but yours feels dripping with the kind of condescension I find pretty off-putting among a certain segment of Isbell fans. There is nothing at all wrong with comparing Swift and Isbell; it merely implies that you were once like I was, dismissive of Swift’s work because I was unfamiliar with its nuances or commitment to craft. Jason would be lucky to write a song as good as All Too Well at this point in his career. And while I admire Jason for reaching for big themes in his work, I have yet to hear a Swift song where I thought: The inspiration for this song was likely: “I guess I’ll write about school shootings/opioid addiction/abortion, folks.” If there is a critique I have of his later-period work, it’s that he stopped telling stories like John Prine and started straining to write about “issues” then retrofitting the stories into the music.
I don’t need someone to be perfect to appreciate aspects of their personality. I can embrace some and reject others. What I admire, and relate to, is honesty.
I am quite familiar with Jason’s past and don’t need to have “news shared” with me like I’m unfamiliar with all those characters, or how those relationships deteriorated. This is where the condescension shines through. I used to hate the Morgan Wallen cover, or that uncool people picked CMU for their “corny” weddings, and then I realized: Man, what a dickish attitude that is, to be a gatekeeper about art, and be like “These people aren’t REAL fans.”
@Cody and I were talking about the Wallen cover this week and he pointed out Wallen’s choice to sing CMU through the lens of veterans coming home and struggling with addiction and PSTD was super meaningful to THOUSANDS of military couples. And sure enough, you go on the YouTube page and read the comments and over and over, it’s stuff like this:
-Met my wife 4 years ago. I walked down the aisle with her mother and my mother to this song the day my wife and I got married. This song means the world to me. Whiskey once controlled my life. Today, I’m a better man.
-My husband was struggling with his addiction he listened to this song over and over again… and this song truly helped him be strong enough to pull out of his addiction! He swore of that stuff for the last time!
Why roll your eyes at people like that, just because they would look at us like we were speaking a foreign language if we asked if they’d ever heard Danko/Manuel or Chicago Promenade or Sunstroke?
The whole thing about these CMU wedding folks being unworthy… man, who cares? That’s their story, their connection. It’s up to them to decide if it’s superficial or not. If some Vanderbilt sorority girl loves CMU or Vampires, if she follows Jason and Amanda on Instagram and read about them in the New York Times but recoils in horror at Never Gonna Change, that’s her deal, her interpretation.
It doesn’t diminish your enjoyment of his music, or your own story of recovery.
Your response is very measured, especially in contrast to how dick-ish I’ve been in this thread. As usual, you’ve given me things to think about as well. Thanks, truly.
Cancelled my trip yesterday (illness) to go to New York this weekend to see his show at Radio City.
Bummed doesn’t even start to describe it. Really enjoyed the article, KVV.
If anyone is remotely considering taking the trip for his Ryman residency, do it. Wife and I saw him this past fall and it’s truly just a tremendous venue for his music and provides such a level of intimacy.
PS - Hi to the guy in NLU gear who complemented my Lido hat at this show if you’re on here
This has to be a bit, right?
¯_(ツ)_/¯
Let’s not pile on @pinsandpines, he was nice enough to listen to my counterpoints without getting defensive or mad.
Definitely worth getting into a Ryman show during an Isbell run. Managed to make it into one of Josh Weichman’s photos from the last one 
Also, just to clarify: I was calling the Swift/Isbell comparison ridiculous precisely because Swift is a thousand leagues more impressive as a human and artist to me - I can actually understand people having a ‘parasocial’ relationship with her.
My last point is this, and I realize I can’t make it without sounding like some old-guard DBT prick. To compare Isbell when he was at his peak (IMO, of course) to where he currently is (another peak, if you ask most fans) is like comparing two completely different artists.
I think I should probably keep that in mind when discussing modern-day Jason Isbell (the Oscar nominee, holy hell I can’t believe I’m typing that.)
I think anyone can at least admit that it would be understandable to have different opinions on what Isbell albums and shows used to be, versus what they are now.
Better? That’s up to you, but it’s certainly different.
I appreciate this but let 'em pile if it’s what must be done.
A friend of mine (who also went to the Baltimore show, and has seen Isbell many times with me) and I were discussing this exact thing after he read my piece. His reaction was: Dude, of course he was going to play CMU and Vampires. He’s a professional musician. As much as he trades in personal honesty, he’s a professional showman above all. He always takes the stage and wraps right on time, keeps a similar setlist throughout each tour. You’re never going to get a bad show from him, but probably also not going to get surprising transcendence.
At this point, my friend wrote, I appreciate the craftsmanship without lamenting (too much) the lost romance.
We reminisced about seeing him with the Truckers back at the Recher Theater back in 2004 when Jason was so drunk by the end of the show, I think he ducked off stage to puke during Buttholeville. We also saw him at the now-defunct Rock n’ Roll Hotel in Washington DC right after Here We Rest came out, when Amanda was doing occasional shows with the band but she and Jason were not a couple. The sound was a mess. There was feedback on the mic and he was furious about it much of the night. He and Amanda were eye-fucking each other through Codeine and Alabama Pines and it’s the one an only time I ever got to hear him play The Magician. Later in the show, he broke into Doc on the Bay and fucked up the whistling part and was furious with himself and made the band do it over.
Those nights were messy and wonderful and unpredictable. And I lived through them. I once left a show of his at the 9:30 Club, right after he’d gotten into a drunk Twitter fight with Dierks Bentley over allegations Bentley ripped off Razor Town, and I decided to pull into the McDonalds line on Georgia Ave. It took me 90 mins to get a cheeseburger! The line was so slow, because the McDonalds was so poorly run, but it was set up so you couldn’t leave the line. The curb was too high to drive over. So I was trapped. I got back to Baltimore at 4:30 am. My wife was like “Where the fuck have you been?”
Do I miss those weird and wild days? Sometimes, sure. I don’t know that I could live through them now, which I think is also true of Jason.
