Brooks vs. Everyone - The Real Housewives of Jupiter

Shipnuck’s article about all the sources Koepka draws from to add to the chips on his massive shoulders was fascinating. Is Brooks attempting to turn heel on all of us “golf nerds” that are in awe of his game?

This article got me thinking, what other rivalry fuel should Brooks come up with to burn hotter and go scorched earth on the Euros at the Ryder Cup?

  • Only getting a Michelob Ultra deal… what was muscle milk too busy to call?

  • Having to wear lame Nike clothes… seems like a perfect fit for Rogue Athletics and CrossFit to jump in

  • PGA Tour for some reason not having chalk on the first tee for him to dry his hands with

  • The PGA Tour doesn’t have an annual combine. He definitely cares more about his Bench/Squat/Deadlift numbers than strokes gained. Your time in the 3 cone drill should be factored into OWGR.

  • Why do Alex Noren’s callouses get all the love? He doesn’t even lift

  • How did Kevin Tway get that #Gainz bag? He needs a hashtag

  • Does the PGA Tour fitness trailer even have a squat rack? I bet Rickie Fowler is always doing curls in the squat rack…


Heck you think they have bench press machine in the trailer? Dude is a beast doing 224 14 times

Counterpoint: He reportedly did that on a Smith machine, which is cheating. A true NFL linebacker wouldn’t be caught dead in a Smith machine.

Is Brooks a fake member of #TeamSwole? Are his glamour muscles really just the benefit of a steady load of creatine and elastic shirt sleeves? Makes you think…



This is the ideal male body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.


“Jon Rahm, I tell ya what, this guy has all the tools to compete at the next level. When you wanna generate power you gotta have big, strong legs and… look at that! He hit that drive 350 yards and didn’t even complete his backswing! I tell ya what, that’s just exotic, smash-mouth driving of the golf ball. I love this kid.”


Wrong. See: Dufner, Jason


Also keep in mind he does a full workout (2 hours?!) before his rounds. So when we see him on TV, his muscles are juiced from that for sure.

Can we get an estimate on how much Pre-Workout that Brooks snorts before a round?

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Is Brooks the unlikable musclebound jock to Patrick Reed’s dumpy villain? A true yin and yang of american golf villains? Methinks a new ryder cup duo is forming…


they won’t even let him carry his own bag, which he would do across the shoulders while lunging the entire way. Anyone know if Affliction or Tapout are looking to get into golf sponsorship?


I’m just preparing for the inevitable, “Brooks workout regime is killing his golf game. If he worried more about his iron play, and less about pumping iron, he would be winning again.”

I’m guessing post 2019 U.S. Open this becomes the new Brooks narrative.


Not to brag but also totally to brag… In October 2015 I wrote about how badly everyone was missing the boat on Koepka.


Smith machine? That’s like 125 pounds only now! LOL

he might need his swole pass taken away now

Love it! I’m on the record (not quite like your formal record) from his 2013 win in Europe and he was incredibly cocky afterwards saying something to the effect that there were a lot more to come and he expected it. A better version of Reed’s “i’m a top 5 player”

total brag!!!

Not cool of the Killhouse guys to share this private photo of you…


Chamblee post Koepka 1 shot loss to Tiger at Pebble Beach:
“Koepka could win 19 majors and pick up distance if he would just stop lifting weights and start lifting his left heel off the ground in the backswing”


Brooks Koepka has the worst player logo out there. Didn’t realize the shitty designers on fiverr were golf fans.



Oh, one more thing…his girlfriend, Jenna Simms, only has one hand. Proof:Jenna

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its so so bad. Why such a thin typeface??

To make his tiny arms appear larger

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