Folks, after 24 hours of watching various ‘Fugees pathetically campaign for the first presidency of this Refuge, it became clear that the true leader of this mass of humanity cannot be any human. We are all unfit to run. We need someone, or something, so unbiased that he/she doesn’t even care what your history is nor do they understand it.
That is why I, Mr Bjorg, hereby announce my candidacy for Refuge President.
Cause I’m a dog and very good boy. Also humans are mostly worthless, all they do is cause trouble. They got you in this mess, why would you trust them to lead you out? Want to watch me lick my paws for 37 minutes?
But you are a dog, doesn’t that disqualify you?
This wouldn’t be the first time a dog was voted into office. We have won mayoral races all across the world, you can check the tapes. You saying I can’t run a fancy internet forum?
Ok fine, but are you unbiased?
I have no opinion on anything outside of squirrels, peanut butter, and delivery drivers (bad, good, bad). I’m a dog. I sleep 16+ hours a day.
How will you decide anything?
First, I believe nothing really needs to be decided. I will just be a figurehead, like that old British lady that chills with a bunch of my cousins. However, if it comes to it and we need a decision, I will let the Refuge narrow all matters down to the two opposing sides and make a decision via treat vote. I am very good at these and not at all overwhelmed but the idea of having two treats presented at once.
What is your platform?
The best platform is no platform but it boils down to this… no one is fit to lead this place. In a perfect world, there is no President and none of this is even necessary but if we must, vote for dogs. Dogs rule. Plus, I will be asleep all day so you don’t have to worry about me recklessly abusing my powers. You won’t even notice I’m here.
This message is approved by Bjorg The Corg for The Refuge